On Sleep

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Yesterday I went to work, like normal, and about half way through the day I just started feeling run down. My eyes burned, my throat hurt, and I was exhausted. Sure, I didn’t have a full nights sleep, but I rarely do and it shouldn’t have come on so quickly.

I had to work half my shift, so I forced myself to get through the last hour or two before coming home. As soon as I laid down I fell asleep, another thing that never happens, and I slept for about five hours before waking up. If I hadn’t been so hungry I probably would have gone back to sleep, I was still exhausted. I tried…I really tried to stay awake for a little while. Gregg and I watched a little tv together and I started falling asleep leaned up against him after only a couple hours. So back to bed I went.

This morning I woke up at 8am and I felt a little better. My eyes didn’t burn, and my throat wasn’t as sore. I didn’t feel exhausted, just the normal amount of tired for waking up to go to work. And I did. I went to work. I lasted about half the day before I started getting really tired and had to go home again. Got home, climbed into bed, and fell right to sleep for another five hours.

I did manage to stay awake this time for a few hours, but it’s midnight and I’m starting to fall asleep at the keyboard again….so I’m going back to bed. Thankfully it’s my weekend so I can get over whatever this is that’s keeping me down. I’d really like to get back to normal.

But I did manage to write a little before I passed out again. Now… Off to bed.

For today:

Word Count: 180

Duolingo: 2 module

Steps: Not achieved

Art: none

Glasses and goals

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I had new glasses, which was good. My old ones were a few years old and everything was getting blurry. So I brought the new glasses home and almost everything was good. There were letters on the lenses, and the left lens had the letters right in my vision.

It worried me a little bit that the tech coudln’t see the letters. They should have had a good pair of glasses too, right? And yet, they couldn’t. My boyfriend could, so I wasn’t crazy (at least not for that). Then I kept getting headaches and I realized there was a big blurry spot in my left eye every tim I wore them. My head was trying to compensate for it, and I had head aches.

So I took the glasses back and I’m wearing the old ones now…but there’s a problem. My eyes were trying to compensate for a blury spot, now the whole scene is a little blurry. When I’m tired I’m finding it hard to focus. I really hope the new glasses get here soon.

So for now I have my glasses off, which means the computer is REALLY blurry, and I have to get kind of close to it to see anything. It’s a good thing I don’t have to see what I’m typing. However it is making writing difficult, so I think I’m going to go to bed early and call it for the night

For today:

Word Count:  125

Duolingo: 3 modules done.

Steps: Not achieved

Art: A little girl and her art, and a happy pi day.

Setting Goals

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Accountability is important. So I’m trying to be more accountable to myself. Here are the things I’m working on this year.

Daily word count, at least 250 a day. I’m setting it low at the moment because I’m trying to build up momentum again. The goal is to get back up to 1000 a day, but right now anything is much better than nothing.

Duolingo. Gregg and I are learning Japanese. I’m also occasionally doing refreshers in Spanish. The goal is at least one module a day. The more you do it the more it sinks in.

Steps. I’m not healthy for many reasons, but walking will help. My step count is set for 5000 at the moment, and I’m just going to say weather or not I hit my goal for the day. Lately I haven’t been hitting it, though I’ve gotten close. I know that in order to actually hit it I have to go for a walk during each of my breaks, and I don’t always manage to do that. Especially if my allergies are flaring and making me feel sick. But if I ever want to stop feeling sick that’s what I need to do. Get up. Get active. Stop making excuses. Even when I don’t feel like it. Especially then.

Art. I’ve been doing some pretty awesome things with my little drawings. I want to do a new piece, or at least work toward finishing a piece every day. I can’t write at work, it’s too busy, but I can draw something. I think it’s time to get a big sketchbook and try to finish a page a day. That would be a useful goal.

For today:

Word Count:  691

Duolingo: 2 modules done.

Steps: Not achieved

Art: None

Something New

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This week has been a journey of new things. I tried doing a few things that I’ve never done before.

I finally finished Ghostly Intentions! It is out right now. You can pick it up on amazon.

Yes, I’ve published books before, but this is my first ghost story.

 

It is a ghost story with a fantasy twist. Magic, a haunted mansion, and a creature that no one should go looking for.

 

 

 

I’ve also made some enamel pins. They are adorable, and I love them. And I’m selling them. I also started designing some fabrics, and they are also available for sale. I only have three patterns up at the moment, but more will come as I do more.

 

 

5min Update

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This week has been an interesting one. I’ve got a new shift at work, and a lot more time. Or at least it feels like it.

Before this week I worked Friday to Tuesday, from 3-10. This week I’ve got the weekends off, and I’m home by 7pm.

I’m a natural night owl so I didn’t mind working late. It just meant I stayed up late and did stuff when other people were asleep. But I don’t know why this shift makes me feel like I have more time. Maybe it’s because I can still get to d&d even though I worked that day. Maybe it’s because things aren’t closed when I get off work and I can go out to eat, or shopping for a moment.

In any event, I’ve had a bit more time for me, and I’ve spent that time editing Ghostly Intentions. I’m half way through, so I’m pretty confident I can get it out this weekend. That would be awesome.

Also, I have Costume Shop ready for an edit so I’ll probably be finishing that up and publishing it in a couple weeks. Plus I’m working more on finishing book two in my half blood sorceress series…. So much writing. And I’m happy to be doing it again!

And that’s my five.

5min – Choices

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The news has had some interesting stories recently. Stories about choices, and who gets to make them, and who should judge another person because of those choices.

One of those stories was Jennifer Lawrence and a pretty black dress she wore that had a plunging neckline. If she had been on the red carpet with a lot of other women dressed in similar dresses no one would have said anything. Instead she was on a balcony with several of her male co-stars, each of them wearing coats and scarves because it was a bit chilly that night. So of course the moral authority had to come to Miss Laurence defense and tell the men to give her a coat…because she couldn’t possibly have been thinking for herself when she wandered out onto that balcony with nothing to keep her warm. (Miss Laurence of course said it was her own idea. She loved the dress and didn’t want to cover it.)

That idea that if  you say what I want you to say, or do what I want you to do, then you’re smart, and if you do something contrary to what I want then surely someone else told you to do that….it’s a persistent idea. I remember being asked that by my ex whenever I disagreed with him. “Who told you to say that?” or “Who told you that was okay?” as if I couldn’t think for myself.

It’s never okay to assume. Your choices are your choices. Mine are my own. We don’t know what was in the other persons head, or why they did a specific thing…so maybe ASK before jumping the shark.

And that’s my five.

Radcon Day 2

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Today is Sunday, day three, and I’m just getting up to prepare for my day. I thought I’d share yesterday with you before going forward.

Yesterday I had three panels, but the first one wasn’t until after 1pm, so we went to the dealers hall, wandered around the stalls, bought some new artwork, and a couple books, and toured the art show.

My first panel was self publishing 101. It went well. I got to share some of my experiences with self publishing and my progress from old covers to new covers. What goes into making a great book. Etc.

Then I had a panic attack. First one all weekend with all the stress, and new people around, so I’m rather happy with myself. The rest of the day my nerves were a bit raw so I had to limit my time in the halls, but otherwise I was good.

Gregg and I went to lunch and sat down away from people, and is able to go on with the rest of my day after that bit of down time.

Then I had two panels back to back. Creativity gadgets where we talked about idea/name/etc generators, battery packs, accessibility tech, folding micro keyboards, and other things. There was also a woman in the audience who asked about writing when her hands are starting to have problems. My suggestion, keep moving, and changing what you do and how you do it. Get an ergonomic mouse and keyboard, and whenever something starts to hurt try a different method. Use swype on a tablet, or hand writing, or dictation. Anything to lower stress. Sit stand desks, going for walks, stretching… All good. Keep moving though.

Then we had “making your own way” which had a cryptic discription about choosing a different than normal path in life. I wasn’t sure it was a good fit for me, but once we got talking I realized just how much I loved the panel. It wasn’t about writing, or jobs, it was about life and choosing new paths instead of what you’re “supposed to be”. I have lots of practice with that.

The conversation seemed to boil down to “be honest with yourself, and those around you, about what fulfills you.”

After that I set up my table to sell some books…. And I sold some! Weird. I’m finally figuring out how to discribe the books in one line sentences so I don’t take forever to tell someone what they are about. “This series is witches, mermaids and curses. This one is the Greek goddess of fate reborn into modern times. And this one is scifi and fantasy short stories.” Then if they have any more questions I can answer them.

Forgotten Ones, my urban fantasy about Greek goddesses in modern times, sold the best. I really need to write more of them.

After that we got some food. Then we tried going to ignition, a fire dance show, but it was really cold and windy, and we didn’t have proper jackets. Also I was exhausted and everything hurt. So we went to sleep instead.

I know, we are such Fuddy duddys. No room parties for us.

Today is the final day, then we drive over the pass and back home. Can’t wait to see what today has in store… Maybe after a nap.

Also Gregg took pictures so they are on his phone. I’ll post pics tomorrow. All I have is this blurry one of the dancers in the dark with their lighted skirts.

Radcon Day 1

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We left the house at 7am this morning. This from a girl that doesn’t usually wake up till 11am because I work nights, but we needed to get over the pass and into Pasco before my first panel today.

The pass we usually take was closed due to snow so we had to take the longer route. It was also snowing but not as bad as the main route. It will also be better when we drive home because it’s closer to Pasco so it will still be light when we get there. We usually end up driving over the pass in the middle of the night, and that isn’t fun when it’s snowing and you can’t see any lines on the windy roads.

We made great time and got to Pasco just after 2pm. My first panel was at 3:15 on (re)tired genres. It was a good discussion with several other authors. We mostly talked about revitalizeing “tired” genres and making something new from them. The second panel was right afterward concerning how big a fish you need to be. Another good panel with a couple of good authors. Neither panel had very many people in the audience, but it was day one and the majority of the participants get here on Saturday so it wasn’t that surprising.

Still, it was awesome to get to be on the panel this time instead of listening from the audience. And I love that my badge says pro.

After my two panels we had dinner, than headed back to the room where I finished Ghostly Intentions”. That means a new edit when I get home, then I can publish this thing and get back to work on the next Half Blood Sorceress novel! Yes!

Also, Prophecy by Barlight is free this weekend. And if you’re in Pasco I’ll be selling some paperback books and giving away pins.

5min- Failure

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How do you judge failure?

I’ve tried so many things in my life. I went to college, but I have no degree. I started painting pictures that are half finished. I have book upon book that is only a fragment of a finished novel or short story.

But is it failure?

Sometimes I feel like I’ve failed, and Gregg has to give me a pep talk and remind me of how far I’ve come, and how much I have accomplished.

You see, there was a time when I did give up. I stopped writing, stopped painting, stopped doing almost anything creative because just existing took so much effort that I couldn’t do much of anything else. That’s the lie of depression. That’s the trap of living in an abusive relationship. You feel so worthless, and useless, that just getting out of bed and putting on clothes is difficult.

And here I am, years later, with finished books and a shelf with my name all over it…. And still I feel like a failure. That thing causing my depression may be gone, but the depression isn’t. It’s a life long companion.

What is failure? Failure is giving into that depression and letting it lie to me. But even if I fail for a day there is still tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, to try again. To get it right.

And that’s my five.