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5min- Failure

14 Feb

How do you judge failure?

I’ve tried so many things in my life. I went to college, but I have no degree. I started painting pictures that are half finished. I have book upon book that is only a fragment of a finished novel or short story.

But is it failure?

Sometimes I feel like I’ve failed, and Gregg has to give me a pep talk and remind me of how far I’ve come, and how much I have accomplished.

You see, there was a time when I did give up. I stopped writing, stopped painting, stopped doing almost anything creative because just existing took so much effort that I couldn’t do much of anything else. That’s the lie of depression. That’s the trap of living in an abusive relationship. You feel so worthless, and useless, that just getting out of bed and putting on clothes is difficult.

And here I am, years later, with finished books and a shelf with my name all over it…. And still I feel like a failure. That thing causing my depression may be gone, but the depression isn’t. It’s a life long companion.

What is failure? Failure is giving into that depression and letting it lie to me. But even if I fail for a day there is still tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, to try again. To get it right.

And that’s my five.

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2 Comments

Posted by on February 14, 2018 in Personal Notes

 

Tags: , , , ,

2 responses to “5min- Failure

  1. Tan M Butler

    February 14, 2018 at 11:45 pm

    Well done for the accomplishments. I hope depression doesn’t rule you and that you can focus on positivity more than the illness itself. Probably easier said than done though.

     
    • CrissyMoss

      February 16, 2018 at 11:42 pm

      Some days, but having a good support system helps a lot. I admit my depression isn’t that bad since I removed the main cause of it, but it is still not a good thing to deal with alone.

       

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