5 Min-Day 12- Goals

​Goals for the rest of July- Finish the second draft of Dragon’s Flame and get it to my editor. And do a synopsis/plot for book three in the series.

Goals for August- Finish the first draft of Dragons book 2 (no name yet) and start on book three.

So much writing, so little time, at least that’s how it feels.

The other thing I need to do is look more into tiny houses. That’s right, tiny houses. My boyfriend and I would like to do both of our businesses full time instead of me working for someone else and having only an hour or two a day for writing. He has a nice income from his leather working already with commissions and donations/subs on twitch. Now it’s time for me to get to a point where I don’t need to have another job. The best way to do that is lower our monthly expenses.

At $1300 a month, plus all the utilities and everything, I’m pretty sure our apartment takes up the most time and money. Cleaning, and cleaning some more, and trying to throw away half our things. Ya, it’s time consuming.

But, if we get rid of all but what we really need (or love) and move into a small trailer or tiny home then we can pay less than a grand for everything. And if we make our tiny home then we can configure it to suit our needs, instead of someone else making it for us.

God I hate carpet. There will be no carpet in my next home, or any other from now on!

Cabinets, little drawers, and a couple of big closets for clothes, and there we are. Not much to it. 

And that’s my five minutes. 

5min – Day 10 – Declutter Continues

Decluttering continued yesterday, and this morning. I cleared out all my craft drawers in the living room, threw out some paints and pencils that were no longer in great shape, and sorted everything. I still have a lot of crafting supplies. I’m going to have to decide if I want to keep them all. Am i actually going to use them? Or am I just holding onto them because I occationaly enjoy using them?

I also started with one bookshelf and I’m going to be working my way around the room to the other book shelves. I’ll need to get a couple boxes because I’m going to be getting rid of a LOT of these books, and downlaoding the ones I like the most on ebook readers. Some of them I might just add to a wish list so I can pick them up from a library later. It’s clear, though, that I don’t intend to read all of these anymore. How can I? I have other things going on in my life, and there are hundreds of books in this house, and almost a thousand on my kindle.

I do love reding, and I read a lot. But the days of collecting because I think a book looks amazing is over. I just don’t have the room for it anymore. Sad, but true.

On the writing front, I finished editing another chapter last night, and then I came down with something. I’m almost certain that I ate something that did not agree with me. I can’t decide what it was, but it was acting a lot like a slight case of food poisoning, or an allergic reaction to something. So I went to bed, and slept early. Then I woke this morning feeling much better.

Today they were painting the staircase just outside my apartment so I we were not supposed to leave the house until 5pm. That was easy enough, the paint smells terrible.

And that’s my five.

5min – Day 9 – Decluttering Begin!

Let the decluttering begin!

Today I started on the path o getting rid of half my things. I just cleared out my dresser in the bedroom, started washing and folding all the clothes, and getting rid of anything I don’t wear anymore. Well, except for a couple t-shirts I stuck aside because I love the design on the front, but they don’t fit. That will be a new blanket soon.

Then I cleaned the living room. I threw away another garbage can filled with random things I haven’t seen in years.

After finishing with the clothing I’ll have to start on my crafting goods. Paints, clay, beads, findings, fabric, and so many other things. I need to pear down to just what I will actually use, not what I might use some day. And considering the last few years and how little crafting I’ve done, that’s a lot.

On the other hand, I think I’ll be setting aside at least one day a week just to do crafting. I love paintings, beading, sewing, and various other crafts. And I’ve been doing more of them lately. I just bought a button maker, and I have sticker sheets and magnet sheets so I will be making all of those with the little drawings I’ve been doing. I think I’m going to fill up my etsy shop again, and maybe sell a few.

It will be a while before I actually make money from writing fiction. Well, I should say money enough to live off. Right now I do make some money, but it is just enough to pay for editing the next book. So I thought getting into etsy again might help pay for the editing too.

Anyway, my five minutes are up now.

5 Min – Day 8 – The way we think

Good morning.

I’m going to warn you before you read this; It isn’t going to be a cheerful post. When I started doing this I realized I might have days like this. Days in which the world sits squarely on my shoulders and I just have to get it out. So here is the first of those days. Hopefully there won’t be very many.

I have struggled with depression most of my life. My depression has roots in things I’m experiencing. I start to feel out of control, like I have no place in the world, or that everything I am working toward is so far out of reach that it would just be better to curl up in a ball and forget I ever tried to do it.

Yesterday was such a day. I started looking at the numbers, and the stats and realizing I’ve put all this money toward something that just isn’t working. What is that? My writing.

Oh, it’s good. I am sure that the stories, the characters, the situations are good. I’m really proud of some of those scenes, and how they came out. I am absolutely in love with the third book. But writing something good, and writing something that people will read is a different matter. And I haven’t figured out that part. How to get people to read it.

But I don’t want you to think the depression part is just about the writing. No, this is a constant battle I have had with myself over everything I have tried. Is it worth it? Do people like it? Do people like me? I have found simple things like making friends, and keeping friends, so difficult that….well, life is a struggle sometimes.

I grew up alone most of the time. I had my sisters, but we didn’t really get along much. I was the constant book worm. They were the ones that would sneak off to do whatever on their own time. They had lots of friends, I sat in the library. That’s just how I was. I didn’t understand basic interactions, but I watched and I listened, and I took psychology classes. So I have a much more logical viewpoint of the world than most people. Most people deal with the world in emotions, and likes and dislikes. Clichés. I come at it with “are you a good person, are you hurting anyone, other than that I don’t care, I’ll accept you.” And I accept that I will disagree with people and have discussions about those disagreements logically. But that isn’t how it works. Most people are not very logical in their take on things, and get emotional and very passionate about certain subjects.

And because I was sheltered growing up i don’t have the same ideas about a lot of things. I got ideas from books, and observation, not from listening to friends and family members and their opinions. So when I finally started getting friends and they started saying “this is how some things are” I disagreed. Because it didn’t make sense. When you see a thing in the world and it is a certain way and everyone wants to say it is a different way it is really hard to tell ourselves that  what your actually observations is wrong.

At least…for me it’s that way.

There was a study a while ago about herd mentality, and it showed that the majority of people will actually change their view point based on peer pressure. If one person says “the color on that banner is red” but the entire class tells him it’s green, he will often cave to the pressure and agree that it’s green. Something switches inside his head that lets him see it the way that the rest of the group sees it.

This herd mentality is there to keep us safe, and comfortable in our groups. If the herd works together they are more likely to survive. Those who disagree with the group, those who form their own opinions, or strike out on their own, are not as acceptable in the herd.

And yet those who strike out on their own often become the best among us. Galileo, Einstein, Carl Sagan, and every other scientist that stepped away from the group think, and struck out on their own. I wish we prized that kind of thinking, more people would do it.

So what does all of this have to do with my writing, and why I’m depressed?

Because I was listening to “Write to Market” from Chris Fox and realized that yet again I have struck out on my own, away from the herd, and made life difficult for myself. Here I am writing fantasy, but it’s my own brand of epic/dark/lovecraftian fantasy. I wrote it because I am interested in the interaction between people, and the dynamics of one group against another, and how that can cause rifts in a society. I wrote it because I believe with every bit of my body that just because a government, or most people, or even an individual says that something is wrong that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. I believe that individuality is important, and that no group should be able to rule over another with absolute authority. And I put all of that, and more, into that book. And that’s not what people are looking for.

Yes, those who read it tend to like it. But it isn’t something like Dresden with mass market appeal. It’s a work for love.

Do I want to be a full time writer, to stop working for big companies and making someone else money? Yes. But can I take my books and make them more marketable? I’m not sure. I have many ideas, and a lot of them are really good. But I don’t know if any of them would have a mass appeal. I just know I have to keep writing, keep trying, because my thoughts and feelings about the world are just as valid as everyone else’s.

And this has been much, much, longer than 5 minutes, but I couldn’t really cut this one short today. I hope you’ll forgive me.

5min – Day 7 – Burn Out

I just got home from the chiropractor and am realizing…I don’t really want to go anymore. I mean, I do, just not like this. I’ve been going every week since the car accident. And this has resulted in a massive drop in pain, more movement in my arm, and less problems with my wrists while typing. I also have fewer headaches. All of these problems were caused, or in some cases maybe made a lot worse by, the car accident. Wrists were jammed into the steering wheel, shoulder into seat belt, neck stretched when coming to a sudden stop…it’s not good for your body to get slammed to a sudden stop like that.

Regardless, I’ve been going for a long time, and I’m just burned out. Even if it is helping, and I still have a shoulder that acts up now and then, I am burned out.

So I started thinking about burn out. Chris Fox actually did a video on this the other day. He did it about making your back list work for your, but he talked about it because he was burned out on writing (go figure after writing a book in less than a week several times.) But he didn’t really talk about the burn out as much as using the back list.

I was burned out after finishing the trilogy. I use to write short stories, and novellas, then I did an entire trilogy in just over a year. I guess my fortitude wasn’t as great as i thought it was. Because after completing that trilogy I started on my new series, The Half Blood Sorceress, and completed a good chunk of book one and two before hitting a wall. Still writing it, still pushing forward, but I am not able to keep up the same pace that I did the year I wrote the Witch’s Trilogy.

But more later, my five minutes are up.

5 Min – Day 5 – Drawing

It’s been almost a week and I’m still doing my morning pages.

Yesterday I worked on cleaning up a bunch of art work so I could use it for things like buttons, stickers, and charms. I know, it’s not that interesting, but I use to sell them on Etsy, and they are fun to make.

If I ever can support myself as just an author it’s going to take time. I just don’t write quickly, and I am terrible at marketing, so it’s going to take persistence and finishing more work for me to actually get to the point where I am making enough from books to not have a second job.

That’s where the art work comes in. The little pictures are cute. There are all sorts of things from superheroes to girls on the beach, and little penguins. And I use to actually sell these things, so maybe I could make a little money from them now.

Will I make a lot? Probably not. But I enjoy them. I really love the button maker, and stickers and charms are just fun. So there you are.

The other thing I did yesterday was clean u a bunch of paperwork and other items to clean out the house. Decluttering has become important, so I’ll be picking something in the house to clean every day. A bookshelf, a cabinet, a set of drawers. Anything that I can get out of the house to make it cleaner.

And the five minute mark hit just in time because I ran out of things to talk about.

5 Min – Day 4 – Clutter

Last night was an interesting point. For the first time, EVER, I said I think it’s time to get rid of all the consoles.
I’m a gamer, and I love my games. I refuse to give up my games. But…I am tired of having so much stuff, too. I love Steam for this reason. Most of the games I own are now on my PC. Some of them aren’t on Steam, but most of them are. That means I can just install them when I want to and go.

But the consoles…I love consoles. I love some of the games I have that are only available on console. But the problem is they take up a lot of space. I have six of them, and two stacks of games, and a bunch of wiring, controllers, etc. etc. etc.

Time to give them up. Time to clear out my home and start downsizing everything we have down to just the absolute essentials.

I know a lot of the problems I’ve been having lately are due to the fact that the house is so cluttered. I come home and I look around, and I’m just not happy. It’s sad, and I hate it. I sometimes avoid it because I know I’ll have to clean the kitchen before I can use it.

But if we only have the things we need, and nothing else, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Sure, keep some of the keepsakes, and awesome things (like my master sword) but get rid of the rest of it.

I have five book cases of books, many of which I haven’t read yet. I will never get around to reading them, there just isn’t enough time in the world. So maybe it’s time I start pairing down to only the books I absolutely love, and buy the rest I want to read on kindle.

But that’s a discussion for another day. My five minutes are up.

5 Min – Day 3 – Time

​Good morning.

Today is day three in my reach to carve out five minutes every morning to start with writing.

Lately I’ve been looking at my morning routine, and what I do to wake up and get active and realized that there is a serious problem with it.

Get up. Go to the living room. Watch a little YouTube. Maybe turn on the computer for a bit and play a game, or check up on emails and contacts, then go to work. That is a completely passive morning where I am taking in information from various places, some entertainment, some news or social issues, but not putting out anything for myself.

I realized that these morning pages are instead forcing me to start my day by focusing on something I love; writing. Now that’s a great thing. I can start every morning by putting in five minutes to write about what’s going on in my life, or the world, and instead of constantly consuming to start my day I am producing value for myself, and hopefully for those who read it.

What else is happening? Prime day on Amazon was yesterday. That meant a bunch of stuff was on sale, and I didn’t buy any of it. BUT! I did participate, in a way. I put Witch’s Sacrifice, the first book in the witch’s trilogy, up on sale for 99 cents for the rest of the month. I’m actually doing a few pushes to get more people to see the Witch’s Trilogy because my hope is that when Dragon’s Flame finally comes out those readers will be interested in it, too.

Five minutes are up. See you tomorrow.

Five Minutes- Day 1

​Five minutes will change your life, right? At least that is what the writing “guru” Chris Fox said in his 5000 words per min book. Five minute sprints every day will help you become a better, faster, and stronger writer.

So let’s put this to the challenge, why don’t we.

For the next few months I’m going to try it. I will set aside five minutes every single morning and write about what’s going on in my writing, art, and general every day life. That means more blog posts here, and more time to get the thought’s out of my head.

I have no idea what I’m going to write, so let’s be honest here. Sometimes the thoughts in my head get a little dark when I start listening to the news a little too much. Sometimes my depression gets the best out of me and I have a day where I’m in a funk, so we might have those day’s here too. But I’m still going to do it. Why?

A long time ago I read a book called “The Writers Way” which had a very similar thing inside. Not sprints, so much, as a clearing of the house. A clearing of your mind by writing morning pages every day and clearing out the things inside your head so you could concentrate on the things that actually mattered. What’s stressing you? What’s consuming your thoughts? What are you constantly thinking about? Is your mortgage due? Is your child going through the terrible two’s? Is your husband being a little too demanding, or not attentive enough for your taste? Write about it. Put the stresses down and let the world have it’s say then you can set it all aside and just. go. Write.

So that’s what I will be doing for the next few months. Five minutes, every morning. 

Five minutes are up. 

Dragon’s Flame – Chapter 1

The first chapter of Dragon’s Flame, book 1 in the half blood sorceress series.

****************

Winter descended from the mountains, a cloak of ice wrapped about his shoulders. A living force of nature, his very presences consumed all before him.

A blanket of snow and ice spread out at his feet, the earth crunching beneath his foot falls. A shroud of mist hung with baited breath behind him, waiting for his invitation to slip down into the valley and consume all before it.

Even the sun, once bright and warm in its track, cast a cold glow upon the frozen landscape. Brittle ice caked outstretched tree limbs, weighing them down and snapping off the fragile ends. Dark rich earth and pale green grass gave way to a blanket of cold crystals as he passed.

Silence enshrouded the unnatural winter as birds fell from the sky, and rodents scrambled into dens, never to emerge, their blood frozen. No being could come near to the vision of ice. For miles nothing ventured beyond the grip of winter. No sound. No animal. And no man. Nothing save the wind, and footfalls of the one carrying ice in his very soul.

Word spread of winter’s passage, and villages fled south in terror. But few men lived in the north near the mountains, and fewer in the path of winter’s fury. The great leaders of the cities to the south did not see the danger creeping steadily closer to them. They could not feel the cold of winter, or hear the fury of the winds descending from the mountain.

To the south where men slept peacefully in their beds, ignorant of the danger approaching.

~

C-1 Mother

 

Soft light fell in a dappled pattern across my mother’s bed, like lace made from sunbeams. I hung the lace curtains for her just two summers ago when the sunlight had become too much for her weakening body.
I sat on the edge of her bed, taking her hand in mine. So thin. It was like clutching a skeleton with thin paper wrapped over her birdlike bones.

This was my mother, or what was left of her. Only thirty-eight and she was succumbing to a wasting disease that no cleric could seem to heal. Not that there had been many clerics visiting our small village.
“It won’t be much longer,” she said.

I had to lean forward to hear her words, like crushed leaves on the breeze, cracking and popping as she spoke.

“Don’t say that, mom,” I protested, clutching her hand just a bit tighter. “You can’t go yet. You haven’t even given me away at my wedding. And what will dad do without you? He needs you. We both do.”
She reached up with her other hand and patted me. “You’ll do just fine, Sybel. You’re stronger than you think. You’ll be ruling the world in no time.”

I smiled, I couldn’t help it, even at this stage. Mother always had an odd sense of humor. Ruling the world? From the back of a plow horse? A farmer’s wife didn’t rule much more than her kitchen. I might not have been a wife yet, but I knew it would come soon, and all the stories of mages and dragons mother shared with me would be replaced with babies and laundry.

“And dad?” I asked.

“Don’t be too harsh on him, Sybel. Your dad’s been through a lot more than he’s willing to admit. He’s been there for us, more than I had any right for. He loved me when I couldn’t love myself. Things might get difficult for you after I’m gone, but remember that somewhere inside him there is love.”

I didn’t understand it then, but my mother already knew what would happen when she passed onto the other side. She had been married to my father for twenty years, and knew all too well his temper. I knew it too, and had been on the wrong side of it more often than not. I tried to brush it off, to remind myself that he loved me, but it had gotten harder to do so since mother took ill. He’d been rougher than usual.

I’d done my best to hide the bruise on my arm where he’d gripped it a bit too hard. It wouldn’t do to upset mother on her deathbed.

I didn’t want to admit that it was her deathbed, but there was no denying it anymore. She was dying and there was nothing I could do. No wizard to call. No demon to summon. My mother was going to slip into the next world, and it would be soon.

What would I do afterward?

“I’ll remember, mother,” I said, and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. Her skin was warm beneath my lips, and smelled of sour elderberries. It was the smell of wine, and sleep, something she’d been imbibing in far more lately. I couldn’t even try to be upset with her, I could see how much pain each movement was causing.

The wasting disease had come on two summers before, slowly creeping inside her. First she couldn’t stand for very long, and took to working the farm from a chair that I carted around for her. Then she couldn’t stay awake for long periods of time and started taking naps throughout the day. At the beginning of the spring when others were out sowing the seeds for the next harvest my mother couldn’t rise from her bed. Her muscles had atrophied, leaving behind a husk of the woman I’d known. The strong jaw, and quick smile had been replaced by a skull covered in thin parchment.

The sicker mother became the angry father seemed.

“The garden just hasn’t been the same without you,” I said. It sounded hollow, even to me, but I had to say something. Didn’t I? Tired platitudes about getting well seemed out of place. There was no getting well, not anymore, and we both knew it.

“I’m tired, Sybel. I think it’s time I rest.”

The finality in her words sent a shiver down my spine. But there was a smaller part of me that was glad. Mother had been in pain for so long, I just wanted her pain to end. If that meant letting her go then I would do it. No matter how much it hurt.

I kissed her forehead again, and let go of her hand.

“Did you want father to come in and kiss you goodnight as well?”

The way I said goodnight, it sounded like the end of a long journey to me. Perhaps mother heard it because she sighed and gave me a wan smile before shaking her head. I couldn’t blame her. The way father had been acting it wouldn’t be a good way for her to go into the long sleep. I think she held on as long as she did because of him, but now the wasting disease was too much. She was ready.

I smiled back, and patted her hand.

Then I slowly stood, and turned my back on her, walking away.

It was the hardest thing I’d ever done. It felt like I was giving her permission to die. After all the years she had held on for me and my father, it felt like the right thing to do. She was hurting, and staying would do nothing for her but cause her more pain.

I could handle myself, and father if need be. But at that moment we didn’t matter any longer, I could only think of her failing strength, and the relief that seemed to emanate from her at that moment.

I left, knowing it would be the last time I would see my mother alive. And I didn’t look back.