The big tumor is out, and I am laying in bed with a cut in my stomach but the tests came back and it was BENIGN!The doctor even showed me pictures of him holding the growth. It was huge! 38cm at the largest point. It also had a huge blood supply allowing it to grow fast.Plus my other ovary was also the size of a nerf football. I think I made the right choice removing it all. He even removed my appendix just in case because cysts like mine can sometimes grow there too.I’m just so happy to have it out. I’m eating a small piece of banana bread this morning, the first bread I’ve had in a month.And when I finally get to go home…. Sushi!
This is not a baby bump. I almost wish it were.
This is a tumor or cyst (we’re not sure which yet) growing in my abdomen. It is 8 inches at the largest point, and is filing my entire abdomen so that I can barely eat, and I get faint when I’m walking around.
I am going into surgery Monday to have the tumor we named Lumpy removed. As scary as the idea of being cut open like this is (since they have to take it out all as one piece so have to make a big hole for it) I am so happy that it is coming out.
The last month and a half has been pretty terrible. It started with my abdomen growing larger even though I was eating less and exercising more. I was getting full faster and faster, and my stomach was getting hard. In the last month I’ve been eating less than 1000 calories a day because even one small egg was enough to fill me up for half the day. Currently I’m only able to eat soft foods like pudding, yogurt, and Avacado. On the positive side I’ve lost weight so once Lumpy is out I’ll be pretty skinny. Well, skinny for me.
The fainting is also tough. The mass is sitting on my arteries and constrict blood flow. If I sit up for too long, or walk around much, I start to feel like I’m going to fall over. Gregg has been good about being near me so that if I start to fall he can give me a hand, and making it so if I’m having trouble that day I can just lay down and he can get things for me. I hate being sick, but he has made this so much easier.
But the worst part until this week has been the medical. When you have a giant thing growing inside you there is no option except to remove it. But while we were in Texas we were on cash only for medical needs. We had insurance, but it’s for Washington since that is where our residents is still. Every test has a price tag, and you had to pay up front. And they don’t want to bankrupt you either so they only suggest things you absolutely should get. So after a couple of visits we realized this wasn’t something simple that would need a little medicine. This was worse. There was a mass on my ovaries and I needed to see a specialist. Asap.
So we packed up and drove from Houston to Seattle in three days. Or I should say Gregg drive. I slept most of the way since I was getting worse.
I made an appointment with a gynecologist before we left, but they didn’t have an appointment available for a week. So we got to Seattle, checked into a hotel, and waited.
The first appointment went fast. The Dr had already looked at my chart, and read that I had a 22 cm mass and realized we had to get moving on this fast. She did another ultrasound to check the size… And it is now 30cm. Lumpy is growing, and fast.
So she gave me a box test to see if it is cancer or not (since it could still be a really big cyst) and sent me across the street to get a CT scan while calling a surgeon to get me in a list ASAP! Dr Keys has been amazing!
I talked to the surgeon yesterday. He is also pretty awesome, and very confident that we can get this taken care of. But he also saw the urgency and got me scheduled for this Monday. Just a couple days away.
I’ve had some prep to do, like a covid test since I can’t have surgery if I test positive. I will go in Monday around 11am and be poked and stick with needles before finally getting into the surgery. They will take out the lump, and my ovaries since they are both affected, and send it to test before closing me up. If it is the malignant kind of cancer they will take out a few other things, like lymph nodes, before sewing me up. If it’s benign they will just sew me up.
So, in short I’ll lose 20-30 lbs, and my ability to have periods (yay! I hate those things). And I’ll have to heal for a bit since my stomach will be cut open. Last time it took a week or two before I could walk normally again.
I hope it’s benign because then once I’m healed up I can go back to life as normal. If it isn’t…. Well I’ll still have some treatment to do.
I won’t be able to give an update for a few days. I’ll be in the hospital for at least two days, maybe more. And they won’t let anyone in except Gregg while I’m there, which makes me sad. I’d like to see my kids too. But there’s always video chat.
Corona has made everything a little tougher. Appointments aren’t as available as they once were, and if I had Corona I couldn’t get the life saving surgery I needed. Plus you can’t have visitors, or even a family member at your appointment to talk about your diagnosis. He has to do me off at the door, and I have to waddle in. Thank goodness I can still walk, though I think the nurses were really worried about me falling down at the hospital today. She kept offering me a wheelchair.
One and a half more days….
Markiplier put out a video today talking about the worst pain he has ever experienced, and what that has created in his life. How it pushed him to do more, and achieve more….
My worst pain I have ever had was waking up from a c-section with all the meds wearing off at once. I apparently process painkillers faster than most people so the doctors were not expecting me to wake up then, and they were not expecting me to feel like my stomach was being ripped out. They, rightfully, were rather shocked when I started screaming in sheer terror as i believed my stomach was being pulled from my body.
And my stomach had been pulled out, or at least the baby. Still, they gave me some more pain killers and I was able to deal with the pain. Once the pain killers wore off I was able to handle the pain a bit more, since they didn’t work well on me anyway, and live with the pain. But that initial shock of waking up, feeling my guts on fire, that was too much for my mind to take and all I could do was scream for that moment.
It’s been decades since that day and it doesn’t bother me anymore. In fact most pain I just deal with because pain is part of my life. My wrists hurt, my lungs hurt, my knees and ankles hurt, my lower back hurts. I don’t generally talk about it or make a fuss unless it gets really bad because this is just the thing I’ve lived with almost every day for as long as I can remember. Occasionally I’ll pop an over the counter pain killer so I can get a little sleep, or push myself a little harder, but in general it is just how life is.
I’m more concerned about loosing my mind than I am my body. My body is failing, I have all sorts of medical problems now, and that’s okay. That’s part of getting older. What scares me are those days when my medications, or the food I eat, or the path I took that brought me through something I’m allergic to starts to make my mind start slip. The days when I feel like every thought has to push through a thick fog before I can reach for a word. I’m an author, words are my trade, and loosing my words, loosing the ability to tell stories and let others see the passion I have….that is truly terrifying. That is what keeps me pushing to write more, finish more books…before I can’t write anymore.
I spent an entire day in the emergency room because of this “mental fog” that had me nearly passing out, and unable to function. And all they could tell me was it might be my medication. That’s scary, knowing there’s something wrong but having no answers, and no way of figuring out why this is happening.
I hope it’s the medication. I won’t be on it anymore after next week, so maybe that will get better. We’ll see. But every day, every moment, I am going to try to write more, and use the words I have while I have them. Because some day I might not have any more words left to write.