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Brains are weird

11 Apr

Imagine a person standing against a board. On the other side of the board is another person. As long as they both push against that board it doesn’t move.

The one on the nearside is just trying to hold the wall up. All they care about is keeping the normality at a steady level. Keep the wall strait. Hold on. Steady.

The guy on the other side of the wall… he’s an asshole. He keeps pushing on that wall. Pressing in, trying to demolish the house the first person made.

Sometime the ass gets tired, and he wanders away. Bored. Other times he pushes harder, or enlists help. Some days…. some days he has a tractor and he manages to knock the wall down.

The girl inside… she just wants to build her house. So she picks up the pieces and puts it back together, and guards the wall. Hoping to keep it up. Hoping to keep it steady the next time he attacks.

After a while she doesn’t leave the wall anymore. And when he stops pounding on the walls she gets nervous. Constantly waiting for the next blow.

The blows become normal. They become natural. They become her world.

So when you take down the wall and set her free… it’s so hard to just be normal.

And then something good happens. Someone actually pays attention, or god forbid, helps her build that wall. It’s shocking, even terrifying, because it isn’t normal. Not to her. Not to the life she’s lived for so many years, trapped inside those walls.

I realize these things. I know my brain is lying to me when a good thing happens and I start waiting for something horrible to happen. Nothing horrible has really happened in the last four years…

Like the Blogess says… Depression is a lying bastard.

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2 Comments

Posted by on April 11, 2013 in Commentary

 

Tags: , , , ,

2 responses to “Brains are weird

  1. Amelia

    April 13, 2013 at 4:11 am

    It _really_ is a lying bastard. Take a step back and look at all the things you do, and consider letting the idiot hammer through your wall, he will get bored soon. You don’t need the wall for security, really. It just keeps light out. =)

     
    • CrissyMoss

      April 13, 2013 at 8:01 pm

      Actually it’s gotten much easier to just tell him he’s being an idiot, and I don’t have to play his games anymore. We aren’t married, and he isn’t my problem. He doesn’t bother me as much, and now that I can stand up to him the memories are easier to stand up to also.

       

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