Getting a little personal

I’ve been watching a lot of videos about… well… self help actually. Or maybe it’s self actualization, or attaining your potential. Any of those things, I suppose, they all boil down to the same philosophy: making something of your life.

And it doesn’t matter which book, or webinar, or podcast, or youtube video you watch, they all have the same premise. Find yourself. Then find out what you can do to make yourself better. Either by organizing your life, or learning new skills, or teaching, etc, etc. There are so many ways you can find that path, and for each person it’s going to be a little different, because we’re a little different. What drives me, and makes me happy isn’t the same thing that makes you happy. Or my children happy. Or my boyfriend happy. And that’s okay.

Personal responsibility. It’s a difficult thing to suggest these days when everyone seems so keen on blaming everyone else for their failure. I grew up around people who constantly blamed the rich for keeping them down, or jobs stagnating, or prices being fixed. Very few of them actually considered learning a trade, or starting their own business, or doing side work, or maybe even getting a second job.

There has been an anathema to this idea of “picking yourself up by the bootstrap”. So many keep saying it doesn’t work, that there are obstacles. Well, of course there are obstacles. Life is filled with them, no matter who you are. You might have some things that help you get past the obstacles a little faster, like training, or money, or a family willing to help you, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be obstacles.

For me in my writing, my biggest obstacles are my spelling (hire editors), and my ability to procrastinate. I’m amazing at procrastinating. If there were a masters in procrastination I would get it…eventually.

But that’s where personal responsibility comes in. Being responsible for my children was easy. If I didn’t feed them they let me know about it and I got myself into the kitchen and made them some food, or taught them how to make something. Feeding myself isn’t as easy. I often forget to eat, and don’t think about it till my body starts reminding me that without proper food intake it doesn’t do so well. Same with writing. If I have a deadline for a professor in a college class it is much easier to get it done than if I am just writing for myself.

Now that all of my children have moved out and it is just Gregg and I in the home it’s…interesting. I’m taking a whole new look at personal responsibility, and realizing I’ve never really had any for myself. I’ve had responsibilities outside myself like bills and children and work. But for me? That is so completely different. To take responsibility in improving yourself, pushing yourself to do great things, even making sure you put down the video game and pick up the pen, complete what you started. Being responsible to yourself instead of just doing what others tell you to do. It’s a completely new way of looking at the world and I’m only beginning to understand it.


5min – Not this!

I woke  up this morning and turned on Twitter to help wake up my brain. It’s an easy enough thing, read a few lines, laugh at some cut gifs, and slowly wake up in the morning.

What I see is a raging debate over abortion. Should we find alternatives? Should we even be debating it? Abortion is just a pill now guys!

Okay, here’s my take on it…Abortion is sometimes necessary, but should be treated with respect, not used as a birth control option. But it should definitely be there for molestation, medical problems, rape, or any number of other things that can just go wrong. And for the record, a pill (morning after pill) is not an abortion, it’s just making sure you don’t get pregnant in the first place. Most people who are talking about abortion are not talking about the pill anymore. The pill is a normal part of life.

So, of course, there is a number of people saying “Why don’t men stop getting all up in our biz”…my first thing to do is go search “How to get pregnant without…” and the results for secretly getting pregnant without a boyfriend, husband, or whatever finding out are INSANE!

And that, dear people, is why it should be at least a little bit talked about with a significant other. If men can be forced to pay child support for the next 18+ years to a woman he just met at a bar and had sex with for a night maybe there should be some way of helping him, too.

Oh, but the woman carries the child, etc. etc. Ya, and the woman could also make him put on a condom, take birth control, go get the morning after pill for herself, or any number of other ways she can keep herself from being pregnant. Not to mention page after page after page of women actively trying to get pregnant without their SO finding out, some of them specifically saying “he doesn’t want a child, but I do.”

Just saying, if personal responsibility for both sexes was enforced we would no longer be having a debate over abortion, because they wouldn’t be needed except in very rare cases. What woman is going to trick her boyfriend into getting her pregnant if she is guaranteed not to get child support for doing it?


I have several friends who have gone through abortions, and all of them have been emotionally and mentally hurt to various degrees, by the whole thing. It wasn’t as easy as people tried to tell them. It wasn’t “I do this and never think about it again.” They definitely think about it, and it definitely bothers them, some more so than others, though they all agree it was for the better. But from one having to get an abortion because she was raped at 13, to another having to choose between an accidental pregnancy (that they took precautions for) and the rest of her life, I can see why they did it. But I wish we would stop trying to convince people that there is no emotional side effect to this decision. Maybe some people have none, but that’s not necessarily normal.

And, again, I’m talking about people who go in to have a child surgically removed, not a morning after pill. They are two separate things.

Lastly, can we stop pretending that the only people against abortion are men? There are MILLIONS of women who are against it, too. And just because they don’t support other women in their right to just go in and have an abortion whenever they feel like it doesn’t mean their beliefs are invalid. That they aren’t “feminist” enough. No, they all have reasons to believe this way. Some of them had abortions and feel so guilty about it that they never want anyone else to go through it.

But, FFS, can we just maybe start pushing personal responsibility, and giving men rights to their children as well, so we can stop debating this f*ing thing?

And that was way over my 5 this morning.