Book read: Breath for Me by Edward Robertson.
Pages: 17
When I downloaded “Breath for Me” onto my kindle I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. I didn’t remember picking up the book, and the cover just had some palm trees and simple text across the front. (Though it does say “fantasy story” in very small cursive letters that I didn’t notice until writing this.)
What could a photo of palm trees in green and red tones be? I thought a literary fiction work, or just a fiction story set in a tropical location. Either way I wasn’t expecting a group of slaves building an aqueduct in the middle of a jungle. And I certainly wasn’t expecting the main character to have the ability to make illusions with his magic breath.
Setting the cover aside, I was interested in the setting. I haven’t read many books from a similar time period, so I continued on with the read.
The plot is simple. A man is working to build an aqueduct as a slave (perhaps an indentured servant as it is only for a specific amount of time). He starts sharing stories at night using his illusions to create plays for the other slaves. The overseer, wanting to wave around his authority because he hates his job, tells the main character to stop. MC warns him that a riot will break out, but complies. A riot breaks out and several people die. Then…everything gets confusing.
Before I continue I am going to admit that I am in the minority, it appears. Reading this work, I was incredibly confused at several points in the story. I re-read the ending three times and I still don’t know what exactly happened. The reviews seem to be more favorable. Some of this is clearly because the readers are familiar with Mr. Robertson’s work as they make reference to his other stories. But there are others who found it confusing, as I did.
I, as a new reader, do not have any idea how the magic in this world works. He breaths, and through his breath he can make illusions appear. I don’t know the limits, but the other slaves seem to imply the magic user should be able to build the aqueduct with a wave of his hand. Only the MC insists he isn’t a good magic user and the illusions are the best he can do.
So when mountain sized men in chains start across the sky…I was confused. I think the MC is showing everyone what happened, and how one of the slaves was killed, so that the other slaves would rally together and fight back against those in charge. But everything happens incredibly fast, with broken thoughts strung together, so it’s hard to follow. That, coupled with the fact that I’m unfamiliar with this writer, or his worlds, made the experience a confusing one.
So what did I learn from this short story? First, know your audience. Not only the audience you already have, but are you trying to reach new people with this story as well? Will someone who has never read your work understand what’s going on?
Second, less is not always more. This story was only 17 pages long but I think if the last two pages had been given a few more pages to grow it might have been less confusing. It would also have separated the epilogue from the main story a bit so that it felt like a distinct part instead of just a run on from the previous paragraph. In writing you have nothing to show the passage of time but your words, so use them.
And lastly…not everyone is going to like your work. There are plenty of people who like this story and give it five stars on amazon and goodreads. I won’t be one of them. I think I’d give it a three. That doesn’t mean the story isn’t good, it just means that it isn’t for me. This is important to keep in mind as a writer. You can not please everyone, no matter how hard you try. But also keep in mind if everyone is complaining about the same thing then you probably do need to reevaluate what you’re writing.
And sometimes the stories we like the least are the ones we can learn the most from.
Next story: Zombie 69 by Kitty Glitter (um… this should be interesting…)









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